A New Perspective

In this post I mentioned The Happiness Project and how it had started to affect me in so many good ways.  For me, my own happiness project could only be started by completing things that I had put off for a long time.  In the beginning, it was small, simple things that I could do on a daily basis.  Things like sorting the mail or immediately folding the clothes out of the dryer.  Those little things helped me feel great once they were accomplished, but I knew that eventually I'd have to really rid myself of nagging tasks.

One huge thing on that mental list was going to see someone about my vision.  Despite the fact that I come from a family of optometrists, I've never really treated my poor eyesight.  I've always been extremely embarrassed and insecure about not being able to see.  As a child, I had a lazy eye.  It troubled me to no end.  Wearing eye patches and glasses never really fostered self confidence.  So unfortunately, I've never actually had proper corrective lenses.  Ever.  I always tried to squint and see things in my exams.  I would memorize the chart.  I was hurting myself.  But I didn't know that I was.  I was just ashamed.  I think internally, I didn't realize what "seeing" actually was.  I didn't know what it was, so I didn't know that it was possible.  It sounds crazy, but it's true.

This afternoon, I went to an appointment and was fitted with contact lenses.  In twenty minutes my life, really, as cheesy as it sounds, changed.  I could see.

As I drove home, I looked at the sky, the buildings, the street signs.  It was all so vivid.  It seemed surreal.

As I parked on my tree lined street, I became overwhelmed with emotion.  I started sobbing.  Happy sobbing.  I could see how beautiful the trees were.  I could see the birds and the small details of the plants around me.  As I walked into the apartment, I noticed how bright it was.  I looked at myself in a full length mirror, and for the first time in 27 years, I could see my actual face from a distance.  I wasn't squinting.  It was me, Rebecca, looking back at myself.  I'd only seen that in pictures.

If I knew Gretchen Rubin, I'd hug her for giving me this boost of confidence.  I am truly much happier each day.  But especially this day.

And on a lighter note, my husband is hilarious.